Six Actions for White Allies in the Wake of Domestic Terrorism
I wrote the letter below to the 60 white allies and friends (leaders of color who have opted to be on the journey with white folks in this cohort) who are a part of Social Venture Partners LA’s year-long white ally course. We’ve been in community for seven months now, learning and growing together, and I’m inspired by all the ways they show up. They have asked what they can do to combat white nationalism, understandably distressed and wanting to be agents of change. My response is to return to the everyday acts of allyship we talk about in the course.
The National Memorial for Peace & Justice, Montgomery, AL.
Dear White Allies and Friends,
I imagine your hearts continue to ache from the horrific mass murders of the last week, while your mind grapples with how to be a champion of change around white nationalism, gun violence, or both. You might be wondering if you should post something on social media, call your Representative, or stay in bed all day to be with how crummy you’re feeling.
I’m not here to tell you what to do today or any day, beyond encouraging you to connect with your heart and do something. As many have said, this is one of those moments in history we’ll look back on and marvel at what we did and didn’t do.
1. Feel your feelings. We’ve talked about how one of the most destructive tools of white supremacy is our ability to cut ourselves off from our bodies and emotions to endure the massive injustices and suffering around us. Allow yourself to grieve today. Allow yourself to feel these horrific tragedies and all the ones that have come before them. Allow yourself to feel angry at the racism that is baked into our country and has been manifesting itself in violence and terrorism for centuries. I find when I don’t allow myself to feel, my grief can express in other ways — snapping at a loved one, sinking into myself, or busying myself at work — none of which advances the work that needs to be done. Feeling your feelings is a radical act of justice, as once you feel, you’re so much more able to act.
2. Listen. There are people in your life for whom these attacks will feel deeply personal. You have the opportunity to hold space for them. Reflect on the immigrants and people of color in your life who are being told to go back where they came from, the Black people in your life who are hearing the message that their lives don’t matter, the trans people in your life feeling erased and dismissed, the people struggling with mental health challenges who are being scapegoated. Reach out to your friends and let them know you’re thinking of them today. Let them know that you’re here to listen if they want to talk. Your love, your willingness to connect, can be a lifeline to someone today and every day.
It’s also so critical for us to listen when our friends of color let us know the ways we’re not showing up for them. It’s hard to hear that we’ve hurt someone, but far worse to continue doing the harm. Rachel Elizabeth Cargle lays out the most common pitfalls for those who strive to be allies: “It is never the offender who gets to decide when they’ve offended someone.” Remind yourself that your impact matters more than your intent.
3. Learn & speak our history. Become a student of our history and our current realities. The violence and hate we’re experiencing didn’t start yesterday, or in 2016, for that matter. Our country was built on genocide, kidnapping, and enslavement. The more I learn about our history, the more I realize what we’re experiencing right now is not new, but rather the latest incarnation of racism. There are so many places to learn, including the National Memorial for Peace & Justice in Montgomery, where you can witness our country’s history of public massacre and racial terror.
As you learn these truths, speak them. And the next time you hear a friend say, “this isn’t the country I know and love…,” kindly share the insight that this is the country that people of color have known for centuries. Which brings us to…
4. Call In. You have the opportunity to authentically connect with white people in your life — to grapple with what’s happening, to share what you’re learning, and to call your white friends into community, into seeing history and current realities, and into action. Ngoc Loan Trần talks about calling in as: “a practice of loving each other enough to allow each other to make mistakes, a practice of loving ourselves enough to know that what we’re trying to do here is a radical unlearning of everything we have been configured to believe is normal.”
We don’t have the luxury of pushing away our white friends and leaving the hard conversations about race to the people of color in their lives. It’s on us to call them in to a better version of themselves, no matter how much love, patience, and time that takes.
5. Shape your contexts. White supremacy is an ever-present, pernicious force in the U.S. that is as pervasive as the air we breathe. When we talk about white supremacy in this way, we’re not just talking about extreme acts of racial hatred that we see on the news, though that’s certainly one piece of it. We’re talking about the prevailing belief that white people are superior, and that all of our ways — of working, of seeing, of talking, of beauty, of being — are the standard and what’s right. Pause and think about how you define any of the above, and chances are, you’ve thought of those frameworks as neutral, as merely defined by your own individuality.
Tema Okun wrote a powerful piece that talks about the harm of white supremacy culture and the ways we can employ its antidotes. You have the power to shift the norms, behaviors, policies, and practices in the spaces where you invest your time and energy — your work, your places of worship, your schools, your family. Working to shift these contexts away from white supremacy norms will have profound ripple effects.
6. Dismantle systems. Racism and white supremacy are baked into our systems — our systems of criminal punishment, foster care, health care, education and so much more. Sometimes we refer to these systems as “broken,” but these systems are getting the exact results they are designed to produce. It’s no coincidence and not a design flaw. As the equityXdesign framework lays out: “Racism and inequity are products of design. They can be redesigned.”
We can dismantle these systems and build systems that truly serve our communities in their place. But hold on, there’s no need to take the lead! There are impactful community organizations that have been leading this work for decades. Find the campaigns in your community led by people of color and people with lived expertise on these issues. Then follow their lead. Listen for what they need and do what you can to support their efforts. Call your electeds and advocate for their policy priorities. Lift up the truths they are telling. Donate. Show up to their rallies. Bring a friend.
You are far more powerful than you realize. Reflect on the influence you have — on your family and friends, your workplace, in your community and schools. Think about how you can wield that power for good.
This is not intended to be a comprehensive or chronological list, but rather a few thoughts on what a grieving white person can do in the face of despair for the loss of life and the mourning as we face who our country really is. We have the power to help make it what it can be.
